I have therefore devoted my time to creating this scrumptiously thorough survival guide which will give you the knowledge and power to defeat the numerous inanimate objects that seem to all be conspiring against us.
Warning: If you suffer from faint-heartedness, involuntary toe muscle spasms, vitamin W deficiency, panic-attack disorder, chronic fear of beavers, extreme toe jam, or experience any other similar symptoms DO NOT CONTINUE READING THIS SURVIVAL GUIDE. This survival guide is extremely powerful and you may not be able to survive.
THE ULTIMATE TOE STUBBING SURVIVAL GUIDE
Welcome to the Ultimate Toe Stubbing Survival Guide! This skillfully crafted guide will surely grant you extreme toe power if followed properly. In this guide, you will be briefed on the different ways to strengthen and protect your toes against the many different objects that may try to attack and debilitate your foot fingers. Read carefully and good luck!
Chapter 1: Knowing Your Toes
The first step of taking the journey to conquer the world's army of toe-hating objects is to get to know your own toes. Familiarize yourself with your weaker toes and your stronger toes. You must know your toes front and back in order to be able to fully protect them.
Here is a basic toe stubbing diagram:
Chapter 2: Strengthening Your Toes
The second step to achieving an ultimate victory in the raging battle between object and foot is to fortify the weapon. Just like in real battle, your toes must undergo excessive training in order to relentlessly punch through any wall, toy, or rock that obtrudes their path. These training methods aim to strengthen the toe muscles and to lubricate the toe joints. It is also beneficial to adopt methods that will give you calloused toes.
Here is a list of exercises and actions that are sure to invigorate your fleshy weapons:
Fast and Furious Toe Wiggling:
Benefits: More flexibility within the toe ligaments. Improvement of the endurance of the toes. Toe muscles will become more quick and efficient.
Toe Crunches:
Benefits: Hardens the toe's main muscle and tones the toe's supposed abdominal area.
Super Guitar Strings:
Benefits: Allows the toes to develop a calloused texture. This prevents the toe from being punctured by sharp objects.
Terrific Toe Typing:
Benefits: Provides the aspect of agility to the toes.
Toe Times Tables:
Benefits: Fortifies the toes in the area of intellect and gives them the ability to mathematically conquer the enemy.
Chapter 3: Knowing Your Enemy
Now that you've familiarized yourself with your toes and empowered them with vigorous exercising techniques, it is time to take the next step towards success: fraternizing with the enemy. Take the time to travel around your house or school or any place susceptible to toe stubbing and observe objects that look like they want to hurt you. Knowing the enemy will give you an incredible advantage during battles.
Here is a list of objects that are known to wait for unsuspecting toes:
Walls
Walls are the worst enemy. There are different ways you can stub your toes on a wall. You can:
1. Walk right into the wall and miraculously stub all of your toes.
2. Walk/run past a wall corner and stub your big toe on the way.
3. Kick a wall and stub your big toe. The damage can happen to the nail area or the fleshy area.
4. The absolute worst: running past a wall corner at top speed and catching your pinky toe on the corner.
This is extremely painful.
Toys
Rocks
Bed, Table, Bedside Table legs
Trash Cans
Stairs
Other Toes (Rare Event)
You never know when another toe might be an enemy.
You have successfully been briefed about the first three methods of becoming a survivor in this harsh world of toe stubbing. Take the time to practice what you have learned and to implant it into your brain.
The Ultimate Toe Stubbing Survival Guide is
To Be Continued...
